All of us need reliance. If you don’t listen to yourself, you have to listen to others. What do they tell about you? Do they appreciate you or not? Are you good enough or not? So, you seek support outside yourself, not inside of you. A person without self-reliance feels anxiety and a strong dependency on others.
The way out is self-reliance that includes your feelings, your needs, and your valuables.
Feelings are your own reactions to your inner and outer environments. This is a tremendous guidance if you can allow yourself to experience all feelings. It will enable you to let go of many difficult situations in your life.
You broke up with your partner and feel sadness and sorrow. You have enough capacity to experience these feelings and you can work through them.
Anger is a strong and powerful feeling, but if you accept and feel it in your body, the energy behind it will be released and you will be able to use this energy for your creativity.
Vulnerability is a very sensitive state. If you allow yourself to be vulnerable, you will become aware of feelings such as empathy, love, kindness, tenderness, and intimacy.
Therefore, the feelings are an important part for self-reliance.
Additionally you need to know that your interactions with people can be based on your beliefs from your prior events in your life. You may have heard of a concept of transference. I invite you to observe your life. Can you find situations that remind you of something very familial in term of feelings or behaviour, such as:
– at times you may tell your partner: “Oh, you remind me of my father or my mother!” What do you feel at that moment? What kind of thoughts do you have at that moment?
– You need to express yourself and feel fear of doing that. How do you feel this fear in your body? What are you afraid of? What kinds of thoughts or images come up?
– You are mad at your partner, but, in fact, maybe you are angry at another person (for example your boss) and you are not allowing youself to express that. What would be happened to you if you did? How do you deal with anger?
Your feelings are just indicators of your unresolved inner “issues” which want to be seen, accepted, and integrated in your current life.
During sessions I help my clients to learn to feel and accept feelings in nonjudgmental way, to find connection between their feelings and early memories. This process enables them to find interconnections between their behaviour, feelings and beliefs and as a result they develop their capacity to deal with their emotions and feelings, replace old beliefs with new ones, and find new strategies for their lives.
Overtime you will learn to become self-reliant, to understand yourself, and to be aware of your interactions with the world. This will help you in your personal growth.
Self-differentiation, self-understanding, self-awareness, radical honesty and authenticity are priceless human qualities that are crucial for me and I choose to be in relationships with people who are interested in developing such qualities in their life.