There is one very good practice. It begins with a simple and beautiful step at the same time: writing what was missing in the father to create a perfect picture ..
When I led it, I received a huge number of answers from participants. Kindness, attention, participation, presence, confidence, etc….
And it often happens that it was precisely these qualities that were lacking in childhood. At what it is possible that you father had them, but due to childhood trauma, identifications, you could refuse to see them and take them.
It also happens that the father could not show these qualities as much as we wanted. And often here I hear remarks: “He had nothing to give.” It seems to me this is not entirely true.
There is a second wonderful step in this practice.
Everything that is written in the previous step, the lack of some qualities from the father, remains within us. And this is manifested in the fact that in adulthood we ourselves deny what we have received less from dad.
There was not enough kindness, the woman had a hard time treating herself with kindness, there was not enough support – the difficulty in finding inner support.
“You didn’t give it to me, and I won’t give it to myself either!” Not only myself, but also relatives, partners, too, will not give me this. Projects, work, colleagues – and it won’t be there.
This is how the game begins. “I have not received, I have not, I will go to ask someone to give me….”
Hence the search for a stable job, reliable partners, a man who will protect, take care, etc. And as usual, either there are none or they are not suitable in the capacity in which they are ..
In constellations, I often see that in fact a client wants to find contact not only with his or her dad, but also with himself/herself and experience what he/she really wanted to get from his or her dad. Start giving it to yourself. Get clarity and understanding alone are not enough here. This does not lead to a solution. The children’s part remembers the pain and will not allow jumping over it.
But it is worth starting to notice, observe yourself and your attitude towards yourself.
I wish you well-being and happiness!