I recently facilitated a constellation around a difficult relationship between a brother and sister.

This particular constellation showed  that this form of work can be a very helpful tool to show the underlying dynamics of such relationships.

The woman’s primary question was in short: ‘How can I improve my relationship with my brother? I love him deeply, but I fear rejection and carry shame from my past actions. I’m afraid he’ll discover it, and I’ll lose him.’

I had brought three representatives: the client as the sister, her brother, and her shame.

The representative of the client (sister) stood behind the brother’s representative, while the shame’s representative stood behind the woman and held her.

The brother’s representative expressed that he  was protecting not only his sister but all the women in their family. He acknowledged her shame and understood his role in supporting her to carry this burden, devoid of judgement but filled with compassion.

The shame’s representative shared that this burden was substantial, resembling a vast river from the past, seeing no one but itself.

The client’s representative expressed her profound shame about being a woman, a heavy load she had borne.

Suddenly, the woman realized that her brother had been protecting her, allowing her to bear this shame. She has never heard any judgement towards her. Just protection from his side.

This phase of the constellation illuminated how both sister and brother had been in service to this shame from the past. The pivotal question emerged: What would happen to their relationship if the woman liberated herself from this burden inherited from the maternal lineage?

I brought another representative, symbolizing their father, positioning him behind the brother.

The healing statement for the woman was powerful for her: ‘Dear brother, I am grateful for your protection and for being a good father to me. From now on, you are only my brother, and I am your sister. You were the first to see me without judgement, and I deeply appreciate it.’

Following these words, the woman shared that she could now look at her brother without fear, and while she still wished to carry this burden of ‘shame’ for a while longer, it had become easier to bear, and she could truly see her brother for the first time.

This constellation marked a profound transformation for her.

Interpretation:
To me this constellation  is an example of how siblings, out of love, often seek to resolve parental relationship.

For the woman, it demonstrated that even when a sister carries shame from her mother’s lineage, it is possible to perceive her brother solely as her brother. It also highlighted the opportunity to receive the gift of ‘judgement-free acceptance’ from her brother, a gift she had longed for from others.

So an important factor is that constellations can help to establish the right attitude between siblings and the family’s spirit.