Ritual “Ignite Your Own Fire”
I learned many rituals from Daan van Kampenhout. Each time I practice them, I discover new depth, wisdom, and a fresh movement in my Soul. I have incorporated many of them into my work with people.
Below, I share one of these rituals. It is suitable for you if you feel stuck in your past relationship with your partner.
When two people come together and start a relationship, they ignite a small fire. Imagine it literally: they gather branches and fuel, light a shared flame, and tend to it together. This fire provides warmth and support, sustaining them both.
But when one partner decides to leave, they move on to build their own fire elsewhere. The shared flame, once maintained by both, begins to dwindle as it receives less fuel. It becomes weaker, offering less warmth and light.
If your partner has left and you have been trying to hold onto the connection, you are essentially attempting to keep the shared fire burning alone, even though it no longer serves its original purpose. To truly return to yourself, you must let that fire die out and ignite your own. Only then can you regain your independence and strength.
A Ritual to Reclaim Your Fire
Find a safe place to build a fire.
Before you begin, take two stacks of paper and write down all the good things that your relationship brought into your life—one quality per sheet. Write what your partner appreciated about the relationship, what you offered them, and what you valued in your time together.
On the second stack, write down the things you enjoy about being alone or things you can do on your own.
Now, build a fire to symbolize your shared flame. Once it is burning, feed it with the first stack of papers—the ones representing your past relationship. Eventually, you will run out of paper to sustain the fire. At that moment, remind yourself that your partner has moved on. Stop adding anything to the flames. Simply sit and observe as the fire gradually weakens, providing less warmth and light, until it fades away.
When you feel ready, stand up. Step away from that fire and find a new place to build your own. Light a fresh fire, and once it’s burning, feed it with the papers representing your independent life.
When all the pages have turned to ashes, recognize that you have the power to rekindle this fire at any time. It can be as big or as small as you choose—its strength depends entirely on you. And when the time is right, you can let it burn out to make space for a new fire, shared with someone else.