To truly understand what’s happening in your life and the systems around you— whether it’s recurring interpersonal conflicts, business struggles, feelings of loneliness, or victimhood—you need to see clearly. This means uncovering the deeper patterns that hold your true self and hidden untapped potential back.

A relational map, such as the one provided by Systemic Constellations, reveals these patterns and gives insights into your relationship difficulties, persistent challenges, or any areas where you feel stuck.

You find your “right place” within your system. By doing this, you release the fresh energy needed for growth, make room for your unused potential to emerge, and allow your authenticity, talents, and experiences to shine.

With clarity, you can transform how you approach your life, relationships, and goals, shifting from limitation to empowerment.

I have a deep appreciation for the systemic approach, and while it’s not the only way to solve issues, it is especially helpful in certain situations:

• When long-standing problems persist and it feels like you’re repeating old patterns.

• When the root cause of an issue remains unclear, leaving you wondering, “Why am I dealing with this?”

• When you’ve tried various methods to solve your problem, but nothing seems to work.

• When you are ready to create a shift in your life and be more authentic.

• When the old way no longer works, and you feel stuck.

Systemic approach can provide the clarity and movement needed to break through and embrace new possibilities.

The questions bellow helps my clients gain deeper insights into their patterns and behaviors. Some discover new perspectives while others bring more awareness into their lives.

• To what extent do you feel secure about your place in your couple, in your work, in your team or even in your life?

• To what extent can you really use your talents?

• Are you sufficiently seen and heard in your couple, in your team, in your work?

• What percentage of you own potential that is present in your couple, your work and in your life as the whole, but not yet fully exploited, is currently being used?

• If there is one feeling that you have been running away from all your life, what is that feeling?

• What happens right before the deepest issue you want to heal arises?

• What the feeling or this deepest keep you from being able to do? What does it force you to do?

• If the feeling or this deepest issue were never to go away, what would be the worst thing that could happen to you?

Every moment spent in self-reflection is an investment in your well-being and growth. Keep shining and exploring!

• From old patterns to new rhythms 
• From weak connection to strengthened bond
• From recurring conflicts to resolved issues 
• From feeling stuck to embracing growth and change
• From fear of failure to embracing challenges
• From limited perspectives to new insights
• From despair to the joy of living
• From uncertainty to mutual support and trust
• From disconnection to deep emotional intimacy

Taking a new step in life can sometimes lead to unintentional disloyalty to others or things we value.

The problem with taking a new step is often not in saying “Yes” to something new, but facing the consequences of saying many “No” and daring to express it.

For instance, when a woman chooses to embrace a healthy relationship with her partner, she may need to say “No” to the unhealthy family patterns or expectations from her parents or her siblings. This might involve setting boundaries and breaking free from past dynamics that have influenced her view of relationships, to create a new, more fulfilling experience with her partner.

Or when an individual strives for business success, they may need to say “No” to family patterns that have kept them in a position of invisibility. This involves confronting the fear of rejection and the feeling of not belonging that may stem from family expectations. By acknowledging and moving beyond these patterns, they can fully embrace their potential and pursue their goals with confidence, without being constrained by the need to fit into old, limiting roles.

Or when embracing your true self, you might need to say no to old, outdated patterns that fuel fears of insecurity, loneliness, and abandonment. By letting go of these past influences, you can step into a more authentic and empowered version of yourself.

In a sense, you must be prepared to burn your bridges. It is this readiness, taking the risk, and being in this void where the power of development lies.

For all the black sheep- a quote by Bert Hellinger

It might give you a new perspective of thinking about yourself and those who treat themselves as black sheep.

“The So-called ‘Black Sheep’ of the family are, in fact, seekers of liberation roads for the family tree. Those members of the tree who do not adapt to the rules or traditions of the family system, those who were constantly seeking to revolutionize beliefs, going in contrast to roads marked by family traditions, those criticized, tried and even rejected, those, by general.

They are called to release the tree of repetitive stories that frustrate entire generations. The ‘Black Sheep’, those who do not adapt, those who scream rebel, repair, detoxify and create a new and blooming branch… countless unfulfilled desires, unfulfilled dreams, frustrated talents of our ancestors manifest themselves in their rebellion looking to take place.

The family tree, by inertia, will want to continue to maintain the castrating and toxic course of its trunk, which makes its task difficult and conflicting… that no one makes you doubt, take care of your ‘rarity’ as the most precious flower of Your Tree.

You are the dream of all your ancestors.”

Bert Hellinger

Most people who undergo core transformation in their lives enter a period of destabilization. Here the way they are used to being no longer works or feeling good. Yet the new way of being is not established, and feels awkward and tentative – uncomfortable – to most people.

Our ability to tolerate the discomfort created by change has a direct effect on the outcome.

When we can’t tolerate this discomfort, we get stuck: not satisfied with where we are and not able to change it.

That’s why when a client complains of feeling stuck, I pay close attention because being stuck indicates great potential for transformation.

Here we should become aware of our relationship to change, and how we act out this relationship. Whether we procrastinate, get distracted, engage in fantasy, become impatient and perfectionistic, overwhelm ourselves by taking on too much at once, or create crises which divert us from our goal.

It helps to bring mindfulness to the hidden patterns that shape our relationship to change, to know where these patterns came from and whether they serve us.

It also helps to practice being patient with ourselves and to cultivate a relationship with the unknown that accompanies change.

Have you ever found yourself jumping from one relationship to another, hoping to find the “right” partner, only to notice the same patterns emerging again and again? It’s a frustrating cycle, one that leaves you feeling stuck and wondering why no relationship seems to work.

The answer may not lie in the people you choose, but in the space you avoid creating for yourself.

I Have Learned…

Over time, I’ve come to see how easy it is to get caught in this cycle, searching for answers outside ourselves while avoiding the deeper work within. It’s not always easy to recognize, especially when the hope of a new relationship feels so promising. But I’ve learned that without taking the time to understand ourselves, we risk carrying the same unresolved emotions, fears, and patterns into every relationship we enter.

When I reflect on this, I realize how often we don’t give ourselves the chance to slow down. We jump ahead, hoping the next person will be the one to complete us, without pausing to ask: What am I truly longing for?

Musings on Some Possible Reasons for Getting Stuck in the Cycle of Relationships

Often, the rush to find a new relationship is a way to avoid the discomfort of sitting with ourselves. It’s easier to focus on the excitement of someone new than to face the deeper emotions or unmet needs that linger beneath the surface. But in this constant movement, we miss the opportunity to pause, reflect, and truly understand what we’re seeking.

Without clarity or intention, it’s easy to fall into familiar patterns. We may seek validation, avoid loneliness, or gravitate toward what feels safe—even if it’s not fulfilling. These repeated choices can create a cycle where the same issues show up again and again, leaving us wondering why nothing seems to change.

And then there’s the fear of uncertainty. Sitting with the unknown can feel overwhelming. Hoping a new relationship will “fix” everything may feel like the safer choice. But as I’ve come to understand: “Since we do not take the time to explore our unhappiness, we are powerless to change it in our current or future relationships.”

Slowing down and stepping into this space of self-discovery can be challenging, but it’s where true change begins.

Encouragement

Breaking this cycle begins with small, intentional steps. It’s not about fixing yourself but creating space to reflect and listen to what you truly need.

Now is the time to ask: Do I have the courage to trust myself and move toward the connection I desire, rather than retreat into fear or doubt?

Take heart—this journey toward clarity and fulfillment is one of the most loving things you can do for yourself.

One topic that I find fascinating and that clients often bring to me is relationships in a couple.

Fascinating, because a couple isn’t just “Me + You”. It’s also that sacred something that emerges between us.

It’s about how we address various issues—and how we sometimes don’t, how we choose not to solve them. How we deal with this. What we do when agreeing doesn’t work out. What patterns and strategies do we use? Who do I choose: me or my partner? The “cost” of the decisions we make. What strengthens the relationship, and what undermines it.

Being alone is simply being with yourself. Aligning with your own choices, selecting only what fits you.

Being in a couple is about agreements and observing: how it is for you, how it is with you, and how it is for us together. It’s about seeing a new version of yourself. Who you truly are on another level? In a couple, there is always the other person, the one who will pull you out of your cave and compel you to show up. And you might discover something within yourself that you never intended to confront. Because these qualities could turn your life around.

Systemic constellation can be very helpful here. To see with full honesty and without illusions, to adjust things in your life.

Living alone or living with another isn’t a fixed choice. Everything changes, and everything can change; as we gain more clarity and awareness, new choices and new freedom become available.

The one problem that leads to all kinds of crises is the belief, “I am not enough.”

Why?

Imagine there’s a woman standing in front of you. She holds the belief, “I am not enough.” Do you feel drawn to establish contact with her? Get to know her better? What emotions arise?

Now, imagine a man who is firmly convinced that he is “not enough.” As a woman, do you want to be with him? What do you feel?

What partner will someone with the belief, “I am not enough,” choose for themselves? Will they be able to maintain close relationships with another person? Or what are chances they will find a job they love?

Reflecting on the answers to these questions can reveal a lot, especially if this resonates with your own story.

In my practice, I have noticed that the belief, “I am not enough,” often stems from moments when clients were not fully accepted by important people during their vulnerable times in their lives. They were shamed for showing certain emotions or feelings, for their reactions to events. As a result, a sense of awkwardness emerged.

Later, this awkwardness becomes unbearable to experience. It is accompanied by the belief, “I am not enough,” which then leads to feelings of guilt and shame. This becomes a constant source of exhausting tension and one of the fundamental barriers to establishing close and trusting contact with others.

The outer world reflects the inner one.

How does this apply here?

If, in the past, a person wasn’t accepted by their parents, teachers, caregivers, or even a first love, then in the present, many clients have discovered that they’ve long stopped accepting themselves. They feel ashamed of who they are. Self-respect fades.

What’s usually done to avoid the belief, “I am not enough,” and to escape familiar feelings of awkwardness, guilt, and shame?

One client devalued others: “He is not enough for me.”

Another learned to deliberately downplay her future results or sabotage any new endeavors. “You won’t succeed,” she would say to herself.

Another openly devalued her own achievements and abilities, preemptively criticizing herself to beat others to it.

And the intense desire to feel comfortable and avoid being told, “You are not enough,” drives a person to belittle themselves in front of others, to forget their own desires and dreams.

What happens when you start accepting yourself as you are?

Some clients said:

“…I felt myself getting better…”

“…my relationship with my partner strengthened. It became warmer…”

“…less loneliness…”

“…I felt more energy. I saw a clear direction…”

It seems to me that it is worth stopping the internal struggle and the influence of the belief, “I am not enough,” on your life. You stop being your own worst enemy. You restore and strengthen your self-respect.

This will allow you to make peace with yourself, and then with others. You can then direct all the freed-up energy toward your true intentions.

Where does the choice of partner come from within your soul, within your true self?

Why is it that sometimes, even when the person seems perfect on paper—kind, everything seems to match—something feels off? You don’t feel the desire to be close, and being together feels uninspiring.

However, sometimes a man seems to have nothing special, yet you feel drawn to him. Barriers fall, and you want to be with him, to share your life, to experience intimacy, and life seems fuller somehow.

Many of us, consciously or unconsciously, seek to fill unmet needs from childhood through relationships. We may also be trying to resolve unspoken stories from our ancestors. Whether we are aware of it or not, these old patterns still seek completion.

But I believe there’s something deeper here. It’s the subtle yearning for wholeness, the desire to embrace both the light and shadow sides of ourselves, to reconnect with life and rediscover our inner radiance.

When we lack this deep connection with ourselves, we lose our balance. We feel loneliness, separation, and an inner hunger that we try to satisfy through a partner. The stronger this feeling of disconnection, the stronger the desire for a partner, a marriage, or a more harmonious relationship.

If this resonates with you, where are you inviting a man to stand in your life?

Will he be able to fulfill your hunger, your loneliness?

And if he can, for how long?

What will you do to hold on to this source of fulfillment?

Where does this survival strategy come from?

Do you feel the desire to change it?

If you recognize yourself in these patterns, it may be time to shift your focus inward—toward healing the parts of you that seek wholeness. By addressing the source of these feelings, you can move toward a more authentic, fulfilling relationship, not just with a partner, but with yourself. True connection starts within you.

Are you ready to embrace that journey?

Many women come to me seeking clarity in their relationships with their partner. Whether it’s the recurring feeling of loneliness, fear of repeating past mistakes, or simply feeling drained and lacking energy, they often face the same underlying issue.

One of the most common reasons for these challenges is unresolved conflicts inherited from their parents, or carrying the weight of their parents’ unhappiness.

How does this happen?

Take, for example, a woman who, as a child, felt responsible for resolving her parents’ conflicts. In trying to create peace, she aligned herself with one parent—often her mother—and distanced herself from the other. Many children, in an attempt to help or save their parents, unknowingly carry these unresolved family dynamics into adulthood.

I often hear women say, “I thought I wouldn’t repeat this pattern. I was sure I could create a different life.” Yet, they find themselves stuck in the same scenarios, over and over again.

These family conflicts continue to live within us, shaping how we experience love and relationships. For many women, this manifests in their relationships with partner, who unintentionally brings them back to those early family dynamics, reminding them of the unresolved pain they carry from their parents.

In relationships, partners mirror each other’s deepest wounds. Until a woman resolves the internal conflict within herself and steps out of her parents’ unresolved struggles, she will continue to repeat the family pattern, trapped in a cycle of pain.

However, there is hope. You can break free from this cycle. By acknowledging and releasing these inherited conflicts, you can leave them behind and embrace a future rooted in self-acceptance and freedom.

Family constellations can guide you through this journey, helping you process buried emotions, restore balance within your family system, and turn your attention to your own life while honoring the history of your ancestors.

Through this work, you can find peace, reclaim your energy, and step into your true self with clarity and confidence

Navigating the end of a relationship can be challenging. From my observations and experiences, there are three ways to approach ending a partnership.

The first way is a woman trying to quickly find a new partner and start a relationship with him. There is often a repetition of past scenarios. At the same time, the hope that everything will be different stays with the woman. Every time with a new man she tries in a new way, but something doesn’t work …

The second way is a woman withdrawing into herself from pain, disappointment, frustration of hopes and loss of not only faith in her feminine, but also in her masculine. She may even somehow force herself to look at men, but there is no space for them inside of her. There is no inner contact with him. Lost trust and pain leave no space for anything new. On the external wold, this can manifest itself in excessive demands on the partner, rigidity in the boundaries, in the phrases “He is not enough for me.”

The third way is a woman not only physically ends the relationship with her partner man, but also emotionally. She gets  in touch with her pain, guilt, or maybe shame. Here both “bad” experience and “good” one are assigned. The experience is different. And then she can turn into something new. She can take risks and get off the parking brake. These are actions.

Many my clients who want a new relationship, they start from the first or second way. Even not be aware of it. There is either a lot of fear or a lot of anger or despair.

Perhaps for some women, this is a good fuel to start, but then they definitely need to find other meanings, values ​​and inner state for movement. To let go of past connections and their  image in past relationships. Stop falling in love and create a relationship from their projections.

Then we begin to move with inner peace, being in contact with our body. Then we can say: I have taken everything here and here is enough for me. I’m moving on to bigger things for me ..

Therefore, in sessions with my clients, we return to unfinished past relationships, so as not to bury ourselves there, but to allow the past to pass. And then there will be no need to return to this, to look back at it. You let past relationships go. It is important to relive the past … and go into your future with newfound confidence and authenticity.

If you feel that your previous relationship is not fully closed and something remains unresolved, here are some questions you can reflect on by yourself:

1. What did your previous partner teach you?
2. What did you discover about yourself through your sexual experience with them?
3. What did you learn about love, and how do you want to be loved?
4. What led to the breakup: repeating a family pattern, ancestral story, different religions, emigration, or something else?
5. Are you still angry? How does this affect you and your life now? What are you struggling to create in your life at this moment?

During the systemic constellations sessions, as we discuss clients’ challenges and desired changes, we often come across their relationship with their father.

The relationship can be ambiguous: for some, he is distant and unapproachable; for others, he is absent; and for yet others, he is weak and lacking willpower. Each person has their own inner image of their father.

It is this complex and childlike inner image that both helps and hinders at the same time. Despite the passage of time and distance, the child’s soul does not give up attempts to change the image of their father, to make it more accessible, warm, loved, and present. And even as an adult, the inner child repeatedly enters destructive relationships with others, or struggles to find meaningful work while trying to change one dear and distant person – he/her Father

To give a place in your heart to an absent, distant, or cold father does not mean rushing back to him, going through suffocating pain again and again. No. It means stepping back, seeing your father for who he is, with his coldness, absence, and the way he was for you.

To step back and give space not only to him but most importantly to yourself. To stop climbing up to his heart. “I got to know you through your absence” or “I got to know you through your coldness” … And also to reflect and look, perhaps there is something good that you received from your father.

The second part without the first will not lead to balance. And the first can only be done through the eyes of an adult, not a child.

True self-expression is the foundation of genuine connection, both with ourselves and others. Yet, along this path, we often encounter roadblocks—suppressed feelings that we’ve buried deep within. These unspoken emotions not only weigh us down but also prevent us from fully embracing who we are and sharing that with the world.

The feelings that we select to be suppressed is in accord with our programs that we carry within us from society and our family. The pressure of suppressed feelings is later felt as irritability, mood swings, tension in the muscles of the neck and back, headaches and other somatic conditions.

To keep the feelings suppressed we usually use the mechanism of projection. Instead of experiencing feelings we project them onto the world and those around us. So an external events only trigger what we have been holding down. “They made me angry”, “He got me upset”, “It scared me”.

Enormous amounts of energy are required to keep down the growing pressure of suppressed feelings. There is a progressive loss of creativity, energy, and real interest in others.

What happens instead when we let go of a feeling? Everyone knows that when we let go. We immediately feel better. There are improvements in skin colour, breathing, pulse, muscle tension. We feel happier, more loving and easy-going.

Now I invite you to take a few minutes for yourself. Just relax and close your eyes.Take a few deep breaths and when you are ready just ask: “How am I inside right now?”

Don’t answer. Just listen to your organism and feel whatever you find there.

All of us need reliance. If you don’t listen to yourself, you have to listen to others. What do they tell about you? Do they appreciate you or not? Are you good enough or not? So, you seek support outside yourself, not inside of you. A person without self-reliance feels anxiety and a strong dependency on others.

The way out is self-reliance that includes your feelings, your needs, and your valuables.

Feelings are your own reactions to your inner and outer environments. This is a tremendous guidance if you can allow yourself to experience all feelings. It will enable you to let go of  many difficult situations in your life.

You broke up with your partner and feel sadness and sorrow. You have enough capacity to experience these feelings and you can work through them.

Anger is a strong and powerful feeling, but if you accept and feel it in your body, the energy behind it will be released and you will be able to use this energy for your creativity.

Vulnerability is a very sensitive state. If you allow yourself to be vulnerable, you will become aware of feelings such as empathy, love, kindness, tenderness, and intimacy.

Therefore, the feelings are an important part for self-reliance.

Additionally you need to know that your interactions with people can be based on your beliefs from your prior events in your life. You may have heard of a concept of transference. I invite you to observe your life.

Can you find situations that remind you of something very familial in term of feelings or behaviour, such as:

– at times you may tell your partner: “Oh, you remind me of my father or my mother!” What do you feel at that moment? What kind of thoughts do you have at that moment?

– You need to express yourself and feel fear of doing that. How do you feel this fear in your body? What are you afraid of? What kinds of thoughts or images come up?

– You are mad at your partner, but, in fact, maybe you are angry at another person (for example your boss) and you are not allowing youself to express that. What would be happened to you if you did? How do you deal with anger?

Your feelings are just indicators of your unresolved inner “issues”  which want to be seen, accepted, and integrated in your current life.

During sessions I help my clients to learn to feel and accept feelings in nonjudgmental way, to find connection between their feelings and early memories. This process enables them to find interconnections between their behaviour, feelings and beliefs and as a result they develop their capacity to deal with their emotions and feelings, replace old beliefs with new ones, and find new strategies for their lives.

Overtime  you will learn to become self-reliant, to understand yourself, and to be aware of your interactions with the world. This will help you in your personal growth and share your unique essence with the wold.